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Officials in New Braunfels have grown increasingly concerned about the lascivious behavior that takes place on its beautiful rivers during the summer. There is drinking, and puking and cussing and smoking and a little too much flesh. That doesn't sound like a river, we thought, that sounds like a strip club. Apparently Trey Maddox, opportunistic owner of The Palace Men's Club in San Antonio, had the same neon light bulb flicker over his greasy head. Because this Sunday on the river, it's Ladies Night. Or something. For a mere $25, the club is offering a Tubing with Strippers excursion. Pay the price of one lap dance and you get to float down the river with Bambi, Star, Destiny and Kendra!
The city, naturally, is freaking out a little, especially with the events coming on The Lord's Day.
"I'm really disappointed that this is going to occur on Sunday when people should be in church," City Councilman Ken Valentine said. "I hope they behave themselves and keep their clothes on, but I'm not sure they will because strippers are trained to take off their clothes."
Strippers? Trained? How much instruction does it take to learn to snort huge rails of coke, hate men and yourself and shave your naughty parts?
So, if you're feeling a little hot this weekend and wanna get even hotter, head down to New Braunfels this weekend. Because while they have passed city ordinances banning beer bongs and increasing fines for noise ordinances, the ban on containers of less than 5oz. (read: Jello shots) does not go into effect until after the next council meeting.
Watch it jiggle. See it wiggle.
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Well, it's good that somebody on the staff can reliably relate all time-sensitive strip club information.
when jello shots are outlawed, jesus cries.
Wow. Thanks for the sweeping generalizations about strippers and their behavior (e.g. rails of coke, hating men). Do you actually know any dancers? Some have families and are actually pretty well adjusted. I know it was an attempt at humor, but damn.
jesus, i can't believe it took 72 hours to finally get that comment. i was worried you people had fallen asleep.
I think I will be laughing at the post defending strippers for at least 72 hours. Have you ever been in a dressing room (which usually doubles as the ladies restroom) at a strip club? It's like Valley of the Dolls at Christmas.