The Fabulous Life Of An ACL VIP

We let it slide when ticket prices increase every year. We thoughtlessly shell out $3 for water or $4 for beer every year. And we even said "we'd go next year" when the dust from Zilker’s fields gave us dry mouths and black boogers for a few days. But the folks at The Austin City Limits Festival have outdone themselves this year (as well as overused the words deluxe, supreme and luxury) with their Concierge Services website that caters exclusively to the festival elite.

Had a long day at the festival? You’re coughing dust and you can’t get that drunk, middle-aged mom dancing at the Allman Brothers show out of your head? For a small price, you and your bourgeoisie buddies have a choice of package options, including stays at The Hyatt, Omni, Hilton or Driskill. At a $3,600 base price the buyer receives VIP credentials, “luxury” private transportation and “deluxe” hotel accommodations. Pay up to $4,100 and they’ll toss in an iPod shuffle with $100 to the iTunes music store and tickets to the official ACL After Shows.

It all seems pretty extravagant, but reasonable for the willing. But, you can’t help but feel bad when you browse over to the Extras section which includes “special items” meant to “enhance your experience at the Festival.” They include dinner at The Shoreline Grill or Oasis, spa treatment and even a genuine Austin ghost tour (...).

But, by far, the most outrageous specialty item the concierge service offers is their $106* day trip to The Barton Healing Springs. Included is admission for two, which totals six dollars...leaving one hundred dollars for basically hitching a ride.

Man, is it going to be awkward when they pull up to the springs in a limo.

Suffice it to say, if you have a few grand laying around and want to get the most out of your weekend, throw some at the festival. If not, join the Austinist staff as we collectively peer over the V.I.P. Fence or laugh at the rich folks when they realize that Barton Springs is across the street from the festival.

*It only costs 75 dollars more to visit the pool unlimitedly for one year.