The Tao of Chuck: World Combat League Coming to Austin

This is the dream we imagine Chuck Norris had immediately before he founded the World Combat League (WCL), the world’s first professional combat martial arts competitive circuit. The father and creator of this, the greatest official gathering of people who could easily rip off your limbs: The pride of Ryan, Oklahoma, born-again Christian martial-arts expert/actor Mr. Carlos Ray “Chuck” Norris. According to recent interviews, Norris founded the WCL, at least in part, in order to emphasize the respectable, artistic aspects of martial arts, rather than the violent side. You see, years ago, Chuck Norris was known as a fierce killer, racking up heavy body counts in his two-star rated action films. But with time and age, Norris has become a wise Master, deftly combining Christian compassion and all-out butt-kicking into a lethal combination of self-promotion. Rarely has the world seen a man with such physical power, controlled grace and chest-hair. Look on, ye, the Curious! Observe humanity in its finest form. True, Chuck Norris is lethal, but he will only use his powers for Good. But don’t stare, unless you want to get karate chopped in the head and then kicked in the balls. Two words, people: Delta Force.

And good news, fighting fans (are any of our readers into this stuff?)! As part of its nationwide tour, Chuck Norris’ WCL is coming to Austin. Tomorrow afternoon, Chuck Norris will hold a press conference at the Frank Erwin Center, where he’ll announce the WCL’s first-ever “West Coast Playoffs,” coming Friday, September 22 to the UT campus venue.

Chuck Norris’ WCL is made up of professional martial arts fighters on teams representing various American cities (there is no Austin team...yet). Norris’ proclaimed goal for the WCL is “to provide sports fans with an unprecedented level of ‘full throttle’ martial arts fighting action in every second of each round of every team contest.” We think the best part about the WCL is that passivity in matches is actually punished, while hot action and aggressiveness is rewarded with points.

Whatever happens on September 22, the winning team will be crowned the West Coast Champion. So get your tickets soon for this old school bloodbath ass-kicking! Who will be America’s toughest city? New York? Dallas? Philly? Our guess would’ve been Cleveland, but they don’t appear to have a team. Still though, that’s a pretty rough town.

“For 30 years I have had the vision of turning the exciting individual sport of combat martial arts into a thrilling team event,” says Chuck Norris on the WCL website. “This vision is now a reality. The WCL brings together martial arts experts by region in a team format – six combat warriors against six combat warriors. Each team represents their city, their team, and their individual skill in an all out striking war.” The difference between WCL and other full-fledged meat-out extravaganzas like pro wrestling or the Ultimate Fighting Championship is that, apparently, the competition is a lot more professional and skillful. Of course, we would expect nothing less from the man who blended martial arts with cowboy law enforcement to create one of the most hardcore TV shows of our time.

World wrestling, eat your heart out. Yeah, we smell what The Rock’s been cooking. And it stinks. Viva the entity that is Chuck.

Mr. Norris’ press conference will take place tomorrow at 3 p.m., Frank Erwin Center, Lone Star Room, 1701 Red River. Enter through Red River Street level entrance. On-sale date and complete ticket information to be announced.

*Images courtest of Wikipedia.