You can imagine where it goes from here. He fixes the cable? Don't be fatuous, Jeffrey.

Fake cable repairmen, firefighters and cowboys are drawing the wrath of local officials. Austin police and lawyers for the city say that the lewd dancing taking place over at La Bare on Congress and Riverside has gone too far. And with the club located within 1000 feet of a school (Texas School for the Deaf) and a public park (Town Lake), officials say they have the right to close down the gauche pink neon-clad building. (By the way, what is better than using foreign prefixes and articles in an attempt to transmogrify a stupid play on words into something sophisticated yet tantalizing? Le sigh.)

Co-owner Kevin Cox has defended his club, saying that the male dancers at the female-only club remained partially clothed and do not do anything lascivious. Instead, he says, they perform professional dance acts and comedy routines, just like in Las Vegas. The city codes prohibit adult-oriented businesses from operating near parks and schools. These businesses include cabarets with "erotic touching of human genitals, the pubic region, the buttock, or the female breast"; aroused genitals displayed; or sex acts performed.

While we have not been to La Bare, we would imagine that an occasional package or two has been grabbed, although we doubt sex acts have been performed. Then again, for some of the customers, a lap dance may be the closest thing they've had to a sex act in ages.

While we think the building is a complete eye-sore and completely out of place, we kinda understand the owner of the club's lawyer, who has said that he feels the city seems to be selectively enforcing the law in this case. Then again, we don't know of any other strip, er comedy, clubs within 1000 feet of a school, so who knows.

But, neighbors beware, the city has put an injunction on the club's liquor license, meaning it is bring your own bottle at La Bare these days. So, if you want to get it on with a disgustingly wasted paralegal at 2am, we suggest loitering around Congress and Riverside, cause the drunker they are, the better you look, boys.

We predict that within six months, the club will be shutdown for good. In its place...condos!

Your thoughts?

*Image (c) Nicole's Beginnings on Flickr*