True Culinary Facts From a Weekend Trip to Rockport, TX With a Bunch of Drunks

Historic Black’s Barbecue in Lockhart has one damn fine chopped beef sandwich. Oilier than Samantha’s brother-in-law on Sixteen Candles, it’s one of the guiltiest modern pleasures available. White bread, red meat, brown sauce. This sandwich has no redeeming value other than the fact that it is unabashedly delicious.

Every word in this paragraph is true: Torn Ranch Green Tea Chocolate is literally the best chocolate money can buy. It’s mellow and smooth like green tea, only lightly sweet, and its texture is flawless. It’s not traditional, and it’s not for the square-at-heart. You never knew it could be like this. It’s kosher, so it went well with the extra-pukey Mogen David grape wine available at the Lockhart HEB.

Roman Caudillo makes a fine margarita. Take one 1.75 liter El Jimador tequila ($37), Pom brand Pomegranate juice (the mango-infused kind), a splash of Triple Sec, a touch of Sauza Classic Margarita Mix, shake, and serve on the rocks in a sea-salt-rimmed glass and the weekend becomes suddenly very low-maintenance.

Seth Pollard at Central Market recommended, against conventional wisdom, the 2004 Vistalba Malbec/Merlot. Not as fruity as a Merlot or as earthy as a Malbec, this wine will keep friends and guests occupied and away from the aforementioned margaritas, which you will continue to guard, shamelessly.

There is a Dairy Queen somewhere between Corpus Christi and Austin. It’s located next to something called the Kuntry Inn. Although not culinary in nature, anything spelled that unfortunately is worth mentioning.

Photo (c) Roman Caudillo