Candy and Flowers: In the Company of Men's Clubs

[The following is an editorial column by contributor Carly Kocurek and does not necessarily reflect the views of the Austinist staff. --The Editors]

The first time I saw The Graduate, I just cracked up when Benjamin took Elaine to the strip club. Because it was a joke, right? But, then, I watched Taxi Driver, and while I realize that Travis Bickle is batshit crazy, the fact that he leads Betsy into a grindhouse bothers me. For years, I thought there were just the kinds of things that happen in movies from a certain era, but after a few years navigating post-college dating, I have to say: these things actually happen. Clarification: these things happen repeatedly. Further clarification: these things happen to me and people I know.

Once, halfway through what turned into a brief date, I had a guy ask me if I fancied hitting up Exposé — I didn’t. Recently, I had someone suggest grabbing steaks at a strip club; I pointed out that I don’t even eat red meat.

The problem with these kinds of suggestions is that they are always a test, and for me, there’s no way to win. I’d rather not spend time with someone who’s going to be gauging how “wild” I am based upon my willingness to partake in pay-per-view titillation. And, really, I’d rather not invest any effort in someone who thinks a strip club is a fine first date suggestion. I don’t have any problem with exotic dancers or the people who watch them, but the whole scene isn’t exactly my cup of tea.

Even if it was, I’m not sure I’d go there for a first meet-up. There are activities I’ll share with strangers, and there are activities that indicate a degree of intimacy. The standards vary from person-to-person. If I’ve dragged you into the mall or any book or record store, you’re a very good friend. I realize my music-buying practices are eccentric (records should generally be bought in groups of three, from varied parts of the alphabet, and should ideally be from different decades and genres). Furthermore, I realize they’re irritating to anyone who hasn’t already decided to put up with me.

I’ll share cocktails with strangers. I’ll share coffee or dinner or a movie with strangers. I’ll make out with strangers. But, I just can’t share third-party public nudity with a stranger. Unlike Betsy or Elaine, I speak up before anyone hands a sweaty wad of cash to the doorman, but the suggestion itself makes me uncomfortable. I have no comeback to that. No boundary to push. When I reject the strip club, I am written off, either as a prude or some type of feminist militant. I’d never count myself as a prude (I've rounded the bases a few too many times for that), and, while I certainly consider myself a feminist, I’m hardly cut from the same cloth as Andrea Dworkin or any of the other anti-porn camp.

I suppose next time I could say, “Sure, I’ll go watch strippers, how about LaBare?” and watch ‘em squirm, but that club’s “ladies-only” policy really limits the applicability of that suggestion.

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By Carly Kocurek in Other on June 1, 2006 4:00 PM 0 Comments

Comments [rss]

Kat

I gotta go with Jooley on this one dear. Start re-evalutating your dating pool. Most guys have more snap than to try something like that before you get to know each other, even if they are just trying to get laid. Strippers are sexy, not the guys obsessed with them. They might as well pinch you and ask if you want to see their booger collection.

Jooley Ann

Ya know, I've been trying to decide whether to weigh in on this one, and I can't stand it. I have to say something. And that is, to guys who want to take girls on dates to topless bars: Grow the eff up, already.

Look, the "dancers" are being exploited. They often have to get drunk or high to perform. The incidence of sexual abuse in their histories is statistically way higher than the general population. They're not sex therapists, and they don't give a crap about whether you're trying to spice up your relationship. They just want your money.

It's insulting. A guy should be all sorts of into YOU, not you-and-a-stripper or you-and-his-Playmates. You have every right to be annoyed, Carly. I sure as hell would be.

Butter Woman

You don't want to go to a titty bar? Don't go. Big deal.

Carly

Yeah...it's just on the list of things that don't do it for me.

Donna

Ok, ok, the first date...or even within the first few months, that's just tacky - but after a while, when you and your other are in a committed (or even just a fun friendly sexual type) relationship, i see it as being a fun way to spend some time. Have you actually ever been to one?