Dan Brown's Revenge: This Week's New Movie Releases!

Hallelujah! The day the Catholic Church and all of its minions have dreaded for the past few months (or maybe years, who knows what kind of secret prophecies they’ve got locked up in the Vatican – riiiiight??) has finally arrived. No, silly, there hasn’t been a discovery of ancient scrolls written by Jesus himself proclaiming the benefits of condom usage. Birth control and personal responsibility are still just as sinful as ever. We’re talking about the film version of The Da Vinci Code! God-fearing people across this great Earth unite! Tell Dan Brown exactly what you think of him for writing that useless, lying, blasphemous piece of sensationalist garbage! And then he can laugh at you from atop his ever-growing pile of COLD HARD CASH.

*The Da Vinci Code
No explanation is needed for this film, but Tom Hanks’s hair is another story (yeah, we went there).

See No Evil
Eight young, attractive, and stupid unsuspecting people stay overnight in a creepy, dilapidated, roach-infested house. The catch: there’s a psycho-killer in the house, too. Gory deaths ensue. No one in the audience is surprised.

Over the Hedge
Oh, look. Another animated film that features goofy but lovable animals. What stunning originality. Do the children of America feel insulted yet?

*Sir! No Sir!
A documentary about the oft-forgotten (or, at least, presently ignored) GI protests during the Vietnam War. Yep, sometimes people disagree with their government. “Sometimes” meaning, like, waaaaay in the past, forever ago, so long ago that there is absolutely no relevance to anything going on in the world today. Now, stop reading before you commit a thoughtcrime.

*Kinky Boots Austinist review
One thing’s for sure, we’ve had a crush on Chiwetel Ejiofor since we saw him in Dirty Pretty Things.

Somersault
Ahh, we remember when we were sixteen. Always so hopeful. Always so carefree. Always making sexual advances on our mom’s boyfriend. Good thing we’ve learned a thing or two about consequences since then.

*Sophie Scholl: The Final Days
From Austin 360: “In 1943, as Hitler waged war across Europe, a group of German college students calling themselves the White Rose mounted an underground resistance movement in Munich. The group's only female member, Sophie Scholl, was captured distributing pamphlets and interrogated by the Gestapo. Unwavering in her convictions, Sophie's trial became a searing test of wills.”

*Oh, come on. You know you kinda want to see The Da Vinci Code. Hell, we’ll go with you. It’ll be like a date, only not really, because, well, we’re not attracted to you in that way. Sorry. (Awk-ward…) We also recommend you check out the following flicks: Brick, The Devil and Daniel Johnston, Friends with Money, Inside Man, Thank You for Smoking, V for Vendetta

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