Austin, By the Numbers

Random figures collected over the past two weeks:

Number of voter signatures collected by Kinky Friedman's staff: 169,574 [reference]
Percentage of Americans who believe that "things have pretty seriously gotten off on the wrong track," according to a new Harris poll: 69% [reference]
Minimum cost of new sprinkler system to be installed in Zilker Park over the next three years, perhaps eventually rendering ACL Fest actually bearable: $500,000 [reference]
Minimum peak computing power of UT's revamped "Lonestar" supercomputing behemoth, in number of floating point operations per second: 35,000,000,000,000 [reference]
Estimated investment cost for these upgrades: $3 million [reference]
"Down payment" paid by Angela Galeana de Maddox and Robert Doyle Maddox of Fort Worth to the mother of a 12-year old girl in Mexico to smuggle her back to their home and work, for all intents and purposes, as a servant: $10 [reference]
Minimum estimated spending by SOS Alliance in 2005: $900,000 [reference]
Height of newly-proposed downtown skyscraper, in feet: 675 [reference]
Estimated percentage of domestic pets considered fat: 30-40 [reference]
Percentage of high school seniors at Reagan High in Northwest Austin who failed the state TAKS exams and may not graduate: 21 [reference]
Amount paid to three former prison inmates by Williamson County to settle a lawsuit over alleged sexual misconduct: $60,000 [reference]
Number of traffic fatalities in Austin since the beginning of the year: 26 [reference]
Percentage who were under 25: 50% [reference]
Estimated cost of damage to South Austin Hospital after a patient evidently tried to light a cigarette, setting himself on fire in the process: $250,000 [reference]
Estimated annual income raised by Benny Hinn Ministries, an organization touting the founder's "faith healing" abilities: $100 million [reference]
Minimum number of uninsured Texans: 5 million [reference]
Number of informational postcards sent out by Travis County Clerk with incorrect polling locations listed: 10,000 [reference]
Percentage of fires investigated by AFD last year that were caused by kids: 16% [reference]
Number of cigars that newly-centenarian Austinite and WWII veteran Richard Overton still smokes every day: 12 [reference]
Age of his girlfriend: 82

* Photo by Matt Wright on flickr

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By Allen Y Chen in News on May 12, 2006 10:57 AM 0 Comments

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Kinky is Awesome

Kinky would be a GREAT Texas governor.

Kinky "Gets It" About Political Correctness

Kinky is a genius. With all the politicians in Texas acting like officers in the political correctness police, Kinky promisses to "de-wussify Texas."

According to a recent story in the Austin American Statesman, Kinky is smart enough to realize "the more people I offend, the more people will like me."

Here are some other gems from that story:

"I'm a compassionate redneck...

In a November CNBC interview, for instance, he was pressed on a line in his 1987 novel, "A Case of Lone Star," comparing New York to "a Negro talking to himself." Friedman said he saw nothing wrong and even said of sexual predators: "Throw them in prison and throw away the key and make them listen to a Negro talking to himself." Video excerpts appeared online on the Burnt Orange Report, a pro-Democrat blog.

Kinky "Gets It" About Foreign Policy

Kinky spoke with Ruminator Magazine about his thoughts on Bush's foreign policy:

Ruminator: So does this idea of the honorable cowboy have anything to do with why you threw your support behind President Bush in this last election? You did, didn’t you?

Kinky: Yes. I did in this last election, but I didn’t vote for him the first time....I was not for Bush that time. Since then, though, we’ve become friends. And that’s what’s changed things.

Ruminator: So it’s your friendship with him that’s changed your mind about having him as president more than his specific political positions?

Kinky: Well, actually, I agree with most of his political positions overseas, his foreign policy....I basically think he played a poor hand well after September 11. What he’s been doing in the Near East and in the Middle East, he’s handling that well, I think.

Kinky "Gets It" About Illegal Mexican Aliens

I just saw a story in the Texarkana Gazette that showed me Kinky Friedman gets it. Here's what Texas governor candidate Kinky said about the illegal Mexican alien problem:

"Mexico is not a poor country...all of these politicians are afraid of offending Hispanics. I want the border off the evening news until we get something resolved."

Kinky's been saying that Mexico ain't poor for better than a year now. Here's a another story out of the Kilgore News Herald, where Kinky says "Mexico is not a poor country."

Here's some other interesting stuff out of that story:

"He proposes auctioning Texas sports funding to the highest bidder -- Nike or Coca Cola or Adidas or some other corporation that would like the opportunity to “get their hooks into the athletes while they’re still young.”

...

“I am going to see non-denominational prayer and the Ten Commandments put back in the schools.”

Friedman said the Ten Commandments might have to be called the ten rules or something similar but they need to be back in the schools. “They say this is part of my wussification campaign but, as my spiritual advisor Billy Jo Schafer says, “If you don’t love Jesus, go to hell.”

One of Friedman’s most unusual ideas addresses border security.

He proposes creating what he calls the Five Mexican Generals plan. As he lays it out, the border with Mexico would be divided into five pieces with a Mexican general responsible for each. A $1 million trust fund would be created for each general.

“When I talk about the five Mexican generals, people think I’m joking but I’m dead serious,” said Friedman. “I will divide the border into five jurisdictions, assigning one Mexican general to each and providing a trust fund for that general. Every time a person crosses illegally, we subtract $5,000 from the trust fund.”

Check out http://kinkyisawesome.blogspot.com/