Watching It, Watching Me: The Return of 24

[The following is an editorial column by contributor Alison Coffey and does not necessarily reflect the views of the Austinist staff. --The Editors]

The producers of 24 must have received my memo! The one titled 24 Should Stop Sucking and that began with the line: Tell your writers to get off their asses. Who knew I had such power?

To tell the truth, I was getting kind of bored there for awhile. I was watching out of duty rather than genuine excitement. Me and 24 were experiencing the 7 year itch, except I guess it was more like the 5 year itch.

But dammit if I haven't loved the last 4 hours! Let's catch up. Spoilers ahoy.

Bad Russians have nerve gas and they want the Russian president to go down. Jack is (where else?) in the field following leads. Kim Bauer is back, with hair extensions and a heroin chic boyfriend (C. Thomas Howell--hey, where's that guy been?). Chloe is still crabby, Edgar is dead from nerve gas poisoining (along with Samwise Gamgee), Tony Almeida finally bought it while trying to get revenge for his wife's death, and President Logan is still a spineless weasel. Oh, and he's married to the blonde from Designing Women, Jean Smart. She used to be crazy (earlier in the morning), but now she's cured and full of insightful opinions.

A few weeks ago Jack Bauer came face to face with Robocop. Um, I mean Peter Weller. And within two minutes of screen time, Robocop became one of my all-time favorite actors. Where has Robocop been? Why hasn't Robocop been working? I love Robocop. And if that wasn't happiness enough, Leland Palmer shows up! Yes, Laura Palmer's Bob-possessed dad! Except he's not Bob or Mr. Palmer, he's the loony vice president itching to declare Martial Law and probably kill innocent brothers of former presidents who were murdered just that morning. Forget DC or NYC, LA seems to be the epicenter of all terrorist plotting and government conspiracy. Man, I'm glad I live in Austin, even if I do share an area code with Rick Perry.

The latest thrill appears to be the possible double crossing of Audrey Raines--good girl, past love, current cheerleader. I don't believe it. It's just a red herring. Of course, crazier things have happened on 24.