SXSW Can't Stop This Week's New Movie Releases!

Yeah, yeah, SXSW Film kicks off this weekend, so you’re all like, “Say whaa? There are regular movies in theatres? How plebeian!” But for those of you who would rather forgo the madness of that festival, here’s what Hollywood has in store:

Failure to Launch
The words “to Launch” in this title seem superfluous. Much like Sarah Jessica Parker’s career without Sex and the City.

The Hills Have Eyes
Have you SEEN the creepy previews for this one? That little girl with the messed up face? HOLY MOTHER OF GOD. Nightmares, commence!

*Idlewild
Soooooo yeah. This is a musical. About gangsters and speakeasies back in the Prohibition era. Starring Big Boi and Andre 3000. We’re recommending this simply because we find it so bizarre.

The Shaggy Dog
It’s hard to imagine some bigwig studio exec in Hollywood saying, “You know what the world needs? Like, REALLY needs? A remake of The Shaggy Dog. But the tagline should be something modern, like…Raise the Woof! Oh ho! That’s clever! Wow! This plan cannot fail! And wait…waaaaait for it…Tim Allen should star! Yesss! I’m on fire! Somebody stop me! I am too much!” Yet it must have happened. We blame Adderall.

*The Libertine
John Wilmot, Earl of Rochester: Women want him, men want to be him. So, it’s pretty much just Johnny Depp wearing a wig, playing himself. With syphilis, of course. HOTT.

*Austinist recommends. We also recommend these first runs: Brokeback Mountain, Capote, Chronicles of Narnia, Dave Chappelle’s Block Party, Good Night and Good Luck, The Matador, Match Point, Munich, Syriana, Walk the Line

Showtimes