Whittington Suffers Heart Attack; McClellan Asks White House Chef to Dip a Crow in Lard

We hope that Scott McClellan feels a little bit like a schmuck. The disingenuous McClellan, son of that tough grandma who has about as much chance of being governor as Mrs. Baird, joked this morning that the Longhorns would be wearing orange at the White House when they came to meet the president as a safety precaution to avoid any Cheney bullets. Bwahahahahahahah. Funny, Scott. Don't quit your day job. On second thought, do.

Guess he never heard the one about 'discretion being the better part of valor,' because as his words still lingered, Harry Whittington suffered a heart attack in a Corpus Christi hospital. Apparently some birdshot had found its way into Whittington's heart, causing an irregular heartbeat and a subsequent heart attack. Fortunately, doctors say Whittington is out of danger and recovering well. According to Dr. David Blanchard, "His arteries are clear and he has the heart of a much younger individual." Well, a much younger man that is not the vice president, anyhow.

Watch out, Scott. Karma's a bitch. We suggest you stop putting butter in your coffee post haste.