Take My Wife...Please!

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"What's the deal with airline peanuts? My mother-in-law drives me crazy! Sure I drive a 1978 Celica, but chicks dig it? Why does sour cream have an expiration date? Why does my baby always know to take a stinky right when the game's starting? Just because (insert race of your choice here) are (insert stereotype here) doesn't mean my family is (repeat stereotype). My ex-girlfriend apparently used to be allergic to sex, but after we broke up I found out it was just a 24-month sickness. And don't get me started on my grandma...she's 78 and still has reefer madness."

Hahahahahahahaha!

Total beating, right?

Well, sadly, that is what most stand-up comedy sounds like these days. But YOU have the power to change all that. Because on March 2nd, NBC talent scouts will be at the Cap City Comedy Club as they host auditions for the fourth season of their reality comedy gauntlet show "Last Comic Standing." The show was nominated for an Emmy in its first year, but disappeared two years ago after some mismanagement by executives, including their desire to rush a third season down people's throats.

We have only seen an episode or two of the show, but all we really remember is that that sorry-ass-bitch "Ant" was on the show and apparently used his appearance to launch his B-list career hostng shows such as VH1's Celebrity Fit Club and get the money to buy his horrible hairpiece. For that alone we resent the show.

The auditions are not for another month, but we figured we'd give you the early heads-up, as coming up with original shtick is not as easy as it sounds. See you there. We'll be the ones doing the Yakov Smirnoff impersonations and smashing watermelons, so bring your vodka and a poncho.