Watching It, Watching Me: Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them

[The following is an editorial column by contributor Alison Coffey and does not necessarily reflect the views of the Austinist staff. --The Editors]

OHMIGOD! Did you all see James Frey on Oprah? Did you all see Oprah totally pissed and wanting some answers? Right now, James Frey, right now. It was totally riveting television. There was James Frey like a deer caught in the headlights, his terrified expression unchanging throughout the hour. The man probably didn't even need to be there. None of his answers satisfied the wronged (and "embarassed") queen of talk. She was on a mission. I'm paraphrasing, of course, but the show's transcript went something like this:

Oprah: Liar liar liar. Why did you lie, you liar?
Frey: I, I, I ...
Oprah: And another thing, I'm embarassed. I've been duped. What do you say to that?
Frey: I, I ...
Oprah: Did you use any novocaine or not?
Frey: Maybe, I...
Oprah: Well, let me ask you this, Why did you lie, you liar?!

I love Oprah. She's like my dad giving my sister and I lectures when we were bratty adolescents.

Dad: Why did you do that?
Me: Because, I...
Dad: You don't know everything!
Me: But...
Dad: I'm tired of talking to you.
Me: I...
Dad: And another thing, young lady...!

Dude, it was awesome.

Also, Joel Stein was on as one of the stone throwers (along with Maureen Dowd and some important dudes from some important newspapers). Damn that Joel Stein for being such a cutie! I've got such a crush and he's a Republican. I'm so ashamed!

Hey, Jack's Back! Jack Bauer, that is. Perhaps if James Frey were a fictional TV character (instead of just fictional, period), he might be Jack Bauer. Because Jack leads one crazy ass life, man. And also, he was a heroin user. Jack Bauer, the ultimate hero--nothing is as important to him as saving Americans. Jack Bauer, the torturer of many bad guys, killer of pedophiles, former junkie, twice come back to life, absentee father, ladies man, and all around super agent. The man has been through a lot. I love him.

24 is one of those super intense shows where something amazingly and overhwhelming unbelievable has to happen about every 15 minutes. At least. Some might find it too farfetched and morally ambiguous to be taken seriously and appreciated, but I find the insanity therapeutic. I like that I can tune in every Monday night (on Fox, 8pm) and get lost in a universe where anything can happen, but the good guys always win. Of course,people die, get tortured for information, lose loved ones, and sometimes go to prison for being traitors to their country, all so they can save their kidnapped wives. The wonderful thing about 24 is that no matter how intense and messed up it gets, no matter how hopeless the situation might look, we know in the end that the world will be safe from terrorists (at least until next season) and that Jack Bauer will be left standing. Stay tuned.

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By Alison Coffey in Other on January 27, 2006 11:02 AM 0 Comments

Comments [rss]

joan

oprah is a liar. This big thing about her hair this week The lady has hair extensions. It's not even her hair.

Jack Knife

Clarification: I meant the comment by Pat Doyle, not the editorial.

Jack Knife

That's one of the best descriptions of Oprah I've heard in a long time. I agree with all of those points, and would also like to note her unholy alliance with the self-righteous Dr Phil.

They are a perfect couple. In fact, they should really marry so they can go ahead and birth the antichrist. It would be a great marketing move.

Benji

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha..... and so forth. Yes! Ope has never let me down.

Pat Doyle

(hat tip to the Beast blog)

Winfrey’s entire life is an exercise in self-aggrandizement, from the TV show which tells us what to read and how to live to her eponymous magazine, every issue of which features her smug countenance on its cover. More than just another insufferable Hollywood egotist, Oprah is something more akin to a housewife messiah, providing false hope and faux spirituality for experience-deprived worshippers. Everything she does is strategically designed to draw more praise, more devotees, and of course more money. Recently had celebrated poet Maya Angelou on her program to promote her new poem, which Oprah read for the audience as if she wrote it herself, as she seems to actually believe.

truecraig

Soon, Frey, confused from the violent swings of public affection/hatred, will start throwing lavish parties at his Florida mansion, where he will eventually try to end his own life in the bathroom during one such celebration. He will not succeed in this. But his dirt-biking career will magically skyrocket, as will his will to write another memoir on the time he spent being Eazy E from NWA. The critics will pan his continued efforts to be seen as a legitimate writer, his ever-increasing manic episodes will destroy him in ever-longer dosage, and he will last be seen on yet another sad installment of "Kinda-but-not-Really Surreal Life" on MTV 8.

I can’t wait to watch the VH1 special next month.