My Millionth Reason To Get Another Drink

[The following is an editorial column by contributor Julie Neumann and does not necessarily reflect the views of the Austinist staff. --The Editors]

My heart has broken into a million pieces. Approximately, give or take a few thousand. Actually, it may not be my heart at all, but some other vital organ in the chest area. You get the point, do these details really matter?

I read James Frey’s account of addiction and recovery in 2004. I devoured it. I had the same visceral reaction most people do, I fell in love. This was almost two years before Oprah turned him into the literary equivalent of Justin Timberlake (that woman, as always, ruins everything). As soon as Frey became a pop star with legions of teary-eyed fans, the paparazzi went after him, and The Smoking Gun scored the money shot. The site uncovered documents and conducted interviews that essentially prove portions of the book, specifically those involving a purportedly serious arrest and the death of a high school classmate, were exaggerated.

For many, allegations of embellishment and fabrication will completely discredit Frey. The savior of damned addicts and beacon of hope for the downtrodden will become nothing more than a liar. But no matter how fictionalized Frey’s story is, I will continue to be grateful for it.

I found A Million Little Pieces the same year I read addiction memoirs More, Now, Again by Elizabeth Wurtzel and Dry by Augesten Burroughs. It was also the year I thought I might die. I had been struggling with an eating disorder and substance abuse for ten years. My body was breaking down, my mind was breaking up, and my heart was simply broken. Years of therapists and antidepressants had not worked. The moment I was alone with myself the self destruction continued. It was a bleak and seemingly hopeless reality that I saw mirrored in those three books. And in each one of them the only way the addict survived was by going to a residential treatment center. In that mess of darkness it was impossible to pinpoint the exact bit of light that allowed me to ask for help, but I know those tales of recovery, including Frey’s, were part of it. In January 2005 I went to rehab.

It does not now, and would not then, matter if Frey took liberties with his memoir. “The book is about drug addiction and alcoholism,” he noted in an interview with Larry King earlier this week. “The emotional truth is there.” He is a survivor, as are Wurtzel, Burroughs, and countless others, that prove surviving is possible.

The part that I find so heartbreaking is that Frey believes, for whatever reasons, that someone can be a “better addict.” In treatment I heard endless horror stories. Selling a parent’s car for cocaine money, toothless mouths yellow with stomach acid, gang bangs in exchange for ecstasy, heart attacks, violence, suicide. And it seemed there was always another patient ready to share something even worse. Because despite the fact that we were all there - that our lives were that out of control - we never believed we were sick enough. We never believed we deserved the help. But if you were a good enough addict, a sick enough bulimic, a frightening enough alcoholic, you would really earn your chance at redemption.

When a writer aggrandizes his troubled past to score a publishing deal, get on Oprah, and sell the movie rights, this addiction competition is justified. The solidarity of sobriety is undermined and recovery gets that much further away. For even if the media and the public’s insatiable appetite for shock is to blame, Frey bought into, and at the same time sold us out. He could spin a thousand tales, and I would still find hope in his words simply because he was an addict and alcoholic and is now clean. It is not the lies themselves but what they represent that I find painful. Of course, addiction creates liars, I understand, and you'd think that after being accosted by numerous crack heads requesting lunch money the rest of the world would catch on. The truth may be too much to ask.

Now there are refunds, a new introduction, public apologies, canceled plans, and lots of e-gossip. The message, which is authentic even with fictional trappings, is slowly being lost. James Frey, I will always love you. If I didn’t think they would be such creative-yet-self-abusing heathens, I would ask you to father my children. I will always be grateful. But there are a million other people out there that need to read your book and feel the same way. So please, next time, for our sake, include a disclaimer.

Contact the author of this article or email tips@austinist.com with further questions, comments or tips.

By julie anna in Arts & Entertainment, Other on January 14, 2006 5:35 PM 0 Comments

Comments [rss]

aust

I think Julie Anna hit is right. Frey did not exaggerate his struggles with substance abuse. He didn't exaggerate the overwhelming pain is inherent in rehab. He didn't lie about about the realitites of substance addiction. He said he went jail for 60 days when he only went for 6, who gives a shit?

And I totally disagree that this book would have the same effect on people had it been marketed as fiction. In his treatmeant, Frey completely refuted the guidelines of AA, and while it worked for him, no one, especially recovering addicts, would have believed what he did was possible had "A Million Little Pieces" been in the fiction section.

Do I think that making false claims in his memoires was a mistake? Absolutely. But do I think that exaggerating days in prison is a reason to discredit him as a writer / recovering addict / hope to substace abusers? Absolutely not.

aust

I think Julie Anna hit is right. Frey did not exaggerate his struggles with substance abuse. He didn't exaggerate the overwhelming pain is inherent in rehab. He didn't lie about about the realitites of substance addiction. He said he went jail for 60 days when he only went for 6, who gives a shit?

And I totally disagree that this book would have the same effect on people had it been marketed as fiction. In his treatmeant, Frey completely refuted the guidelines of AA, and while it worked for him, no one, especially recovering addicts, would have believed what he did was possible had "A Million Little Pieces" been in the fiction section.

Do I think that making false claims in his memoires was a mistake? Absolutely. But do I think that exaggerating days in prison is a reason to discredit him as a writer / recovering addict / hope to substace abusers? Absolutely not.

genie

If you liked Frey's 'A Million Little Pieces', I'd also recommend Peter Carey's 'My Life as a Fake'.

julie anna

one thing i didn't mention in the column was the extent to which things were exaggerated. and yes, i say exaggerated instead of made up or lied about because there is a basis of truth to his story. i think that comes across in the feel of book, the way it is very raw and stripped down. the biggest contention is whether or not he spent significant time in jail and to what extent he was in trouble with the law. incidents weren't totally fabricated, but they were blown out of proportion. frey said it was for "dramatic effect." it was probably unnecessary, i think the book would have been equally impactful without the aggrandizement, but apparently he felt he needed to. an unfortunate decision because of the repercussions, but not something that makes him a "complete and total fraud." nor do i think the book glamorized addiction at all. that is one of the reasons it had so much appeal to me. it very accurately describes what rehab is like, the mental process of overcoming your illness, the painful reality of facing your past and creating a sober future. from my perspective, as both an addict and a writer, that validates the story.

Jinx

I guess you should read the book and see how much he glamorizes addiction, and you'll understand why some people would be upset to find that they were led to empathize with someone who can't really relate.

And it did not ring true. That’s why everybody read it. Because it was so fantastic, including the ending where he finds redemption outside of the program, when suddenly he has self-control, as if by magic. I don’t think most people who read the book could honestly believe it was 100% true. But I personally didn’t expect him to be such a complete and total fraud.

And the artistic integrity issue is important. Writers are poseurs by necessity. It's a tacit agreement between the fiction author and her or his audience. So when you make pains to appear autobiographical, it's just ridiculous and needlessly deceptive, not to mention disrespectful. Of my friends who write and read widely, who have used a lot of drugs and done fucked up shit and have gone to jail, who have grappled with substance abuse-- they (basically) share my disgust with Frey. Understanding between artists and audience, and the connection between drug users is sacrosanct because it exists outside of mainstream society. There aren't any controls in place, just trust. Violation of that is just a turn off.

Ray

That's not exactly what I'm saying. What I mean is that, if it had been marketed as fiction, I would have read it and been happy and gotten the same value out of it, so in the grand scheme of things it's not a great loss that it turns out to actually BE fiction.

The big complaints about the Frey thing (and I've only followed the story a little bit, not having read him) are about how the book was sold to publishers and how it was marketed to the public. If you're one of those people who are really concerned with Frey's personal integrity or with the internal workings of the publishing industry, I guess it might bother you, but those aren't really topics I give much of a fuck about. If the book I read was true in the sense that those things have happened...to me, to friends of mine...then if they didn't really happen to the author, so the fuck what. It doesn't affect me personally or the value I draw from the book. It's just a memoir about a total random stranger; It might as well be fiction, it's not exactly a historically relevant topic.

But I haven't the read the Frey book. I'm only talking hypothetically, using the Burroughs book as an example.

"Sound like a bunch of addicts"? That's some funny shit, Jinxsies. I look forward to more.

Jinx

Wait. You don't care whether it's true or not, so long as it makes you feel good? Geez, you do sound like a bunch of addicts.

Ray

I never read Frey's book, but I read Burroughs' Dry, and if I found out tomorrow that the whole thing was a piece of fiction, it wouldn't matter a bit. Because the story rang true. Too many pieces of me and my life were in it, and it helped me a lot in putting my own experiences in perspective.

So it was made up. So the fuck what. Move it from the memoirs shelf to the fiction shelf and enjoy it for what it is.

Congrats on your first year, Julie Anna, and welcome back to the real world. I've been here two years as of October and I hope I never go back to what it was like before.

Benji

That's not the point. The point is, he fucking lied. End of story. They wouldn't buy his book as fiction so (instead of improving it or continuing the search for agents or houses) he changed the wrapper.

I liked it too. These late discoveries don't change the quality of the work, only our perception of the man who wrote it.

James Frey will be gone in a few years. Because sunlight doesn't just illuminate-- it also disinfects.

JUBCHA

ONE MORE THING: JULIE MY TIRED OLD HEART GOES OUT TO YOU. I WANT TO WISH YOU THE BEST AS YOU TRAVEL THE BOMPY ROAD TO COMPLETE SOBRIETY. IT AINT EASY. IVE TRIED, FAILED, TRIED AGAIN AND FAILED, ONLY TO TRY AGAIN. SO FAR IM DOING GOOD. BUT IT IS HARD. REAL HARD. I BEAT DOWN THE "MR JONZ" EVERY DAY AND SOMETIMES HOUR BY HOUR. BUT WILL SLAY HIM FOR GOOD ONE DAY AND AS I TYPE THIS--IM WINNING.

KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK AND LET ME KNOW IF YOU NEED ANYTHING.

YOURS,

JUB

JUBCHA

THE SMOKKING GUN IS ON TO SOMETING. IM TELLING YOU. THE MISSING LINKS ARE MY BURGERKING WRAPPERS.

I WILL BE VINDICATED. I PROMISE.

Jack Knife

I think it's rediculous that the scurrying rats at the Smoking Gun have nothing better to do than pounce on someone who has given so many people hope.

They're going to burn in a very special level of Hell, a level they reserve for child molesters... and people who talk at the theater. ;)

JUBCHA

I HAVE THE REAL TRUTH HERE PEOPLE. THIS PIECE IF HUMAN GARBAGE STOLE MY STORY THAT I HAD WROTE ON BURGERKING WRAPPERS WITH KATSUP AND MUSTARD WILE SPENDING MY YEARS OF YOUTH ALL WASTED ON JUNK LIVING IN THE SCARY STREETS OF EAST AUSTIN. IT IS ALMOST WORD FOR WORD DESCRIPTION OF JUBCHAS LIFE.

I HAVE OFFICIALLY PUT HIM ON NOTICE. IF I EVER GET MY BARE HANDS AROUND HIS NECK IT WILL BE LIGHTS OUT.

SEE YOU IN HELL.

JUBCHA

avan allen

thank you for this. i feel like everyone is hating on him now. truth or partial-truth i couldn't put his book down and i read 'my friend leonard' in three days. they are two of the best books i've read this year, and that is saying something. i'll always admire him and everyone else that's ever been an addict and is now sober.