Austinist Book Review: Inconsolable by Marrit Ingman
Marrit Ingman happens to be one of our favorite writers for the Austin Chronicle, as well as one of our favorite bloggers, so when we learned she was having a book published, we were very excited to get our hands on a copy.
Inconsolable consists of vignettes relating Marrit's experiences as a new mom with a bad case of post-partem depression. While the subject matter is, well, depression, and, as such, pretty depressing, Marrit is a master at turning tears to belly laughs. Hey, it's funny cause it's true. Well, at least for some of us.
We happen to know a thing or two about being depressed, especially when screaming infants and sleep depravation are involved. Our difficulties were nothing compared Marrit's story--most of them came before the kid popped out. We had 9 months of severe nausea, gall bladder disease, carpal tunnel syndrome, and a host of other things all ending in pre-eclampsia and a early cesarean section (after 10 hours of painful labor where the epidural stopped working and the residing doctor was the meanest bitch that ever lived). Still, motherhood itself ain't easy and most new moms can certainly sympathize with the feeling of being overwhelmed, overtired, irritated, isolated, and altogether insane. How many of us have found ourselves with the car parked, sobbing in the front seat while our infant screamed in the back?
But what Marrit Ingman gets is all that and a lot more. She gets the kid with colic, with reflux, with horrible bouts of eczema. And she gets all this on top of her depression, which inevitably leads her to contemplate driving off the interpass. Thankfully, she's still with us and has lived to tell the tale.
The boy behind the title is Baldo (not his real name, of course). The day Baldo is born is the beginning of Marrit's emotional turmoil. The chapters of the book each cover a specific theme ranging from latex (which Baldo is allergic to) to therapy. Our favorite one is called Fuck Dr. Sears, Or the Fallacy of Designer Parenting. Dr. Sears is just one of many parenting experts with a specific point of view, and one can certainly go crazy trying to determine whose is the best approach. But the truth, as Marrit wittily observes, is that parenting is a hodgepodge of ideas, and while some things work well for one baby, another baby is a different story. Besides that, every parent has to deal with their own set of circumstances.
Marrit tries the "Sears" method. She "wears" the baby all day in a sling, she sleeps with him during naps and nighttime, she breastfeeds and tries very, very hard not to succumb to the "cry it out" method of sleep that many parents use around month four or so (when it is time to encourage that sweet thing to sleep through the night so the parents can finally get a decent night's rest). But Baldo still screams and Marrit is increasingly depressed. As a tired and crazed mama fed up with experts, Marrit realizes that there is just no way to win. "For millennia, women have mothered and men have fathered without expert commentary. There are no parenting magazines in rural Lapland, yet people grow and thrive there and tend reindeer...All we really need is a way to collect information--from doctors, from our children, from other parents--and enough confidence to weigh our options and cast out those that don't suit us."
What we love most about Marrit's writing is the quirky way she can give us a picture of a seemingly mundane situation. She constantly surprises us with her ability to describe an event or detail in such a way that is both esoteric and totally perfect. We also love that she's so freaking honest and not at all afraid to let it all hang out. The truth about motherhood (for many of us, at least) is that it is sometimes more painful than pleasant. Sometimes it means a day (or two or three) without a shower and a proper meal. It is irrational irritations and middle of the night arguments with your partner because goddammit if you just can't get out of bed again.
Obviously we find it difficult to write about this book without writing about our own stories, but what we most loved about Inconsolable. was how much we related to it, and how it transcended our own experience into something universal. Still, Marrit Ingman is her own fascinating personality. We can't say we know exactly her story, her pain and suffering, her delights and moments of truth and beauty, but we can certainly appreciate them.
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