Speedy and Skinny, Just the Way We Like It

In their quest to provide the ultimate caffeine buzz, Coca Cola has created Coke Blak. This coffee-infused soda will be distributed throughout France in January. Americans will have to wait until mid-2006 to experience what is sure to be a delicious heart palpitation in a can.

Speaking of coke, we would like to remind you that not all white powder is appropriate for snorting. If it is, say, queso fresco, we don’t recommend hiring a hit man to kill four chefs and steal it either. And we truly believed Jessica Booth could have been the next Kate Moss.

Anorexic models may be out but anorexic Simpsons are so in right now. As if Jessica’s tragic love life wasn’t enough, Ashlee has now come out of the eating disorder closet. In the upcoming issue of Cosmo she reveals that “It was about six months of not eating too much at all. I was 11 and 5 feet 2 and about 70 pounds.” What? That is not an eating disorder. That is a picky brat’s diet gone awry. You will never be as dysfunctional cool as Mary Kate, don't even try.