ACL Fest 2006 – It’s Gonna be Totally Sweat!

I hypothesize the following about Charles Attal: His mother didn't love him. He sits down to pee and doesn't wash his hands afterwards. He has an S&M dungeon, but can't seem to keep any subs around because he's so clumsy. He habitually double-parks. He never holds the door. He smells like peanut butter, even though he never eats peanut butter. He once paid a hooker with a personal check from an account he shared with his then-wife. He was always picked last for kickball. He started going bald at the age of 22. His athelete's foot has never gone away completely because he refuses to wear socks, even with dress shoes. He has a disturbingly high tolerance for pepper spray. He kicks puppies. He talks during movies. He's right-handed but always shakes with his left, and does so with a very loose grip. His turn signal is still going. He lets the dishes pile up until the kitchen is infested with fruit flies. He once convinced his pregnant girlfriend that SHE was the one who gave HIM crabs. He's from florida. He takes a stack of expired cupons and a three liter filled with pennies to the supermarket every day. He thinks bob and tom are the best thing to ever happen to radio. He likes to get people to listen to coldplay in 108 degree heat.