Avast! Austin Found!

We love pirates. Even though the whole weed-winded sect of armchair academia has long-proved, beyond any reasonable doubt, ninjas are far, far superior in every category of comparison from hand-to-hand combat to headwear to macramé trivet production. Hands/hooks down, the ninja reigns supreme.

Secondary status notwithstanding, we are still hell-bent on becoming pirates when we get bigger. Really good pirates too. The kind with crazy-ass accents, bare feet, and lots and lots of exotic STDs. And to be the best in piratedom, one must practice. Since the measure of a pirate’s success in pirateness is the size of his booty, it is best to polish up those booty-seeking skills. But how? In this urban landscape, the only booty available for finding is the variety that we are shamelessly alluding to: the variety which will probably help us in contracting those STDs but certainly will not help us become better pirates. Where can one find a good treasure hunt? Huh? Where?

Well, some rather creative minds here in Austin got together to help anyone with a similar quest. They created Austin Found.

Austin Found is an organization that puts on a big-ass, city-wide treasure hunt. Pretty much the entire city is fair game. All teams start at the same place, at the same time, and have the same goal: find the treasure. ARRRRRR! With a hook, parrot, and really bad teeth! Several checkpoints are spread out over the city and the hunters, in teams, must solve riddles to find the next checkpoint, eventually leading to the finish. The winning team gets a cash prize and bunch of other coupons and such. CASH MONEY. Word.

The majority of the proceeds for this event go toward Austin Community Foundation, which is hardly pirate-like, but good deeds are not enough to dull the shine of TREASURE me mateys! YARRRRRRRR and all that! It sounds like a brand new organization with a truly honorable purpose, and if you have any details on it, please comment below.

Here’s how you should get into this (check their website for any specifics though):

1. Put down the bong and get off the couch.
2. Get a crew together. Coworkers, extended family, fellow jailbreakers, whatever.
3. Register and pay the registration fee. It's $50 before 9/25 and $75 after for your whole band of miscreants. Or your family. Both.
4. Show up on game day (Oct 1) with your bus pass, because any transportation outside of your feet, Metro, or Dillo will get you and your gang booted from competition.
5. Make sure you have a smart person on your team. Because, like, those riddles could be hard and stuff. Otherwise, you’ll have to engage strangers to help you out with the solutions, which is totally allowed in the rulebook.
6. Avoid losing by solving all those riddles and reaching the finish first. Or sabotage all the other teams with Mylanta-laced water or something. Winning by default is still winning. Hello, you naughty pirate you!
7. Spend all the cash on loose women and rum. Or pay down your oppressive credit debt (probably brought on by loose women and rum, so it goes to the same place regardless).

That’s just our recommendation though. You do this however you want. But don’t miss out, because it sounds like the kind of fun you’ll want to lie about missing if you don’t do it.

ARRRR YOU SPINELESS SCABIES! SWAB THE MAINDECK AN… ack! *halved by much more impressive, quiet and better dressed ninja*

Contact the author of this article or email tips@austinist.com with further questions, comments or tips.