A Change Might Do Some Good

But what is up with the front patio-thing you got going on there? Not that we don’t like it or anything, it just… confuses us. You planning on getting some more extensions built on or what? The side patio enclosure seems to be working out pretty good. Oh yeah, you’ve definitely added some room in/on there! Everyone’s kinda expanding these days, ya know? We’re thinking about trying that low-carb shit people have already stopped doing, to battle our own extensions. Health is the new pink. But, whatever. We’re going to shovel an Eye Opener down our gaping maw first. Two Lonestars please.

You know, we have to say that we’re really proud of you man. You’ve come a long way in the last couple of years. Sure, we miss the old you, where you were a complete and total dick to us all the time, but that’s a fleeting thing. Isn’t it strange how people only remember the good things about a passed personality? Well, we’re not falling into that rat trap, buddy. We like you much better when you’re not kicking us out (“Again? Serious? FUCK!”) for catching eyes with that shifty-ass cook. Or that time you gave another group the table we were sitting at, WHILE WE WERE STILL SITTING IN IT, just because we neglected to sign in (you rarely had a pen anyway, so what the fuck was up with that rule?). Yet, that was the part about you we really enjoyed. We could get scrambled eggs and crispy bacon in a friendly and safe environment up I35 at Denny’s. We came for the abuse. For the layers of graffiti in the bathrooms. For the obviously high waitstaff that would ask us to repeat our order five times and still manage to fuck it all up.

We miss the old Starseeds, but we understand. Everyone has to grow up eventually, right? Shit. You’re right, we still have our disturbing memories of the old you to discomfort us whenever we’re feeling too catered-to. Like the piss-stained corners of our mind…

Well, we’ll drop by every now and again to check up on you. See how things are going. You know, progress, regular cleanings, jungle gyms for the kids and shit. Maybe a ballroom. Yea, a ballroom! That way you’ll be all nicey-nice child-friendly but still have a room that exudes clouds of unchecked, humidified urine. Just like old times! We’re just sayin’. Compromise is key here.

Alright, take it easy Starseeds. Much love and luck, and we’ll see ourselves out this time. Thanks for the memories (and for actively stocking toilet paper). Best.