Weird and Weirder

Reader Josh writes:

what exactly happens when you go to one of those Adult Modeling Studios that advertise in the back of the Chronicle? also, what's going on in that strange pink house with turquoise trim that can be seen on northbound ih-35?

From these questions we can clearly deduce several things about Josh. First: he's bored at his day job. Aren't we all? Second: His night job is running an adult modeling studio out of his pink house! Apparently he wants to see us naked.

On to answering questions. We commend you for your creative questioning, Josh, but don't think you have us stumped. We are wise in the ways of the world, and can make things up that are so close to the truth that you'll never know the difference.

First: adult modeling. Let's walk through this scenario, shall we? Single, white loner type seeks a way to convince young, hot modeling hopefuls into knowingly getting naked in his presence. He may not be all that smart, but by observing his target audience he slowly realizes something about them: they are ambitious! They want to be a star. From there on out, it's all smoke, mirrors and restraining orders.

Second: the pink house. Who lives in the pink house? Who could possibly live there except a very, very old woman with a lot of cats. She bought that house before there was a highway close by and painted it pink and turquoise in protest of the corporate bastards that are taking over Austin. In her prime, she was a force to be reckoned with. Now she just sits in her pink house attempting to fashion George Bush voodoo dolls out of canned cat food.

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By Kristina B in Other on July 27, 2005 12:42 PM 0 Comments

Comments [rss]

Ben

I used to live near "The Pink House" as well, and one dumb night, friends and I decided to finally find out what it was all about. We pulled into the parking lot just as a very small Hispanic male was exiting the building. I called him over and asked exactly what happens in there. Quite simply he stated, "Ladies dance for *me*!" We nodded and drove off, satisfied in our new-found knowledge.

Rae

OK, so I can provide some historical perspective on that dirty pink house: I went to ELEMENTARY SCHOOL THERE!! Seriously. In the early 80s, it was Wanda Wilcox' Private Primary. It was Montessori-style, multi-grade, run by a really hip older lady with a little dog named Midnight that always came to school. It kind of nauseates me to think about what happens there now, in the place that I learned to finger-paint and roll up my nap mat.

Kristina B

God we love our readers.

LikeIWantMyNameAttachedToThis

I went there once with a friend, honestly, just to see what the heck goes on in there. My memory is hazy, but here goes:

* they have a waiting room, where you are not allowed to wait unless you are a paying customer. since I was paying for my friend and not me, I had to leave shortly after I got there. he was nervous being left there alone but hey, I'm not interested in being in the same room with my friend and a naked woman at the same time.

* there was a can of mace on the couch. it was large, like the size of a can of spray paint.

* they have a laminated menu. You can order things like "watch a model masturbate", but no sex acts involving physical contact with you or other models (remember the can of mace)

* you can get more than one model, but they won't do anything to eachother (if I recall correctly)

* I spoke briefly with the model my friend chose, and told her that she should use the mace on him. "he'll beg you not to mace him, but really he's into that. I'll tip extra if you do it for him."

* when I came back to pick up my friend, he looked kinda freaked out. after a long silent ride home, he said "can I use your shower? I think she ejaculated on me"

* he later told me the model mentioned her grandchildren multiple times over the course of The Ordeal, as it later became known. She apparently tried to make him comfortable and explained how it all works and what you can and cannot do. she also pointed out that, yes (as pointed out by Name) you are free to whip it out and pound away but you are like fifteen feet away from her as to prevent uh, incidents involving friendly fire.

I hope this answers more questions than it raises regarding the adult modeling experience.

Name

A few years ago, a friend of mine went to that pink house thinking it might be a whorehouse. His whole story is absolutely hilarious, but it basically ends with him finding out it's an overpriced jack shack. And the jacking's all do-it-yourself.

IBM!

ANSWER THE DAMN Q?

Send an undercover rep. from the Austinist (Ben Brown or M. ODAM) to do a hot! hot! hot! photo shoot and request that it take place in front of the pink house. OH and make the photo shoot a bikini car wash theme just for me!

Steph

Hmm. Are you sure about that PINK house? I used to live in that area, passing by on the feeder regularly and always wondered about that place too. I would swear that I saw an "open" sign on/near the door?

Methinks the innocent-old-catlady theory may be a bit off.

Karen

Do you really think that the women who decide to work at adult modeling establishments believe that they are going to become stars? Obviously they know that those sorts of establishments are basically strip clubs. It's offensive to suggest that these women are so stupid that they don't understand the obvious. Or maybe you're just making a joke.