A Girl's Guide to Snaggin' an Austin Hipster

Last week, we posted a guide to help the poor, socially inept boys of Austin snag a hipster girl. This week, we've got some advice for the ladies.

After the jump, we dissect the psyche of the four major types of male Austin hipster. The information is free, but we're not paying for the therapy sessions you're going to need after you date one of these guys.

AUSTIN HIPSTER BOY TYPE 1: THE FRONTMAN
Where to find him: At one of his shows on Red River, at Gallery Lombardi or at Hole in the Wall; at “industry events;” at the after parties he throws when his friends from Brooklyn have a stopover on tour
What he wears: carefully mussed hair; tight pants; ironic t-shirt
What he listens to: His own music, especially after he’s drunk
What he eats: Whatever’s left in the fridge or Jack-in-the-box, but he only eats once a day, at 2 a.m.
What he drinks: Whatever he can get his hands on (unless there's coke around)
Who he likes: Girls who wear vintage mixed with Forever 21; girls who know all the words to his songs; other guys' girlfriends
Pros: You never have to pay to see a show in this town again; your social circle doubles instantly; free drugs
Cons: He never stops talking about himself; he’s sleeping with your best friend; when you breakup, the intimate details of your relationship will be immortalized on his next cd

AUSTIN HIPSTER BOY TYPE 2: THE BACK-UP BOYFRIEND
Where to find him: Fixing a flat tire/killing a bug/changing a light bulb for his best friend, consoling her when she gets stood up, or dancing in the front row at one of her band’s shows
What he wears: A pin for his best friend’s band
What he listens to: His best friend’s band
What he eats: He’s a sympathy vegetarian (none of his “homegirls” eat meat)
What he drinks: He can’t drink; he’s always the designated driver for his entourage of hipster girl friends
Who he likes: Girls who can best be described as "cute"
Pros: In the bedroom, it’s all about making you happy. His best friend works at Knockout so you get a discount
Cons: After sex, he wants you to hold him. If you ever break up, your name will be slandered on the walls of the girls’ bathroom at Emo’s

AUSTIN HIPSTER TYPE 3: THE STARVING ARTIST
Where to find him: At his day job (Spiderhouse, Kerbey Lane, Red River Café) or in his efficiency where he’s either sleeping, smoking out or “creating”
What he wears: Whatever smells the least pungent and always some kind of distinctive accessory (a leather cuff, a newsboy cap etc.)
What he listens to: Inspiring music, mostly old and often French
What he eats: He smokes a pack a day and drinks a boat load of caffeine so he’s not all that hungry; occasionally, he orders a large pizza and eats off of that for the rest of the week
What he drinks: Diet Coke or whatever’s in the (free) keg
Who he likes: Girls who like to fight; girls who read Nietzsche
Pros: The painting he made you looks great above the couch you got at Room Service; he'll take your headshots for free
Cons: He’s always broke, so if you want to go out, it’s all on you. He won't return your calls for days at a time and then expects you to drop everything to hang out with him

AUSTIN HIPSTER TYPE 4: THE SEMI-RESPONSIBLE GUY
Where to find him: During the day – at his tech job; At night – a rock show (he skips the after party because he has to be at work early)
What he wears: During the day – his work outfit (black pants, chucks, a white Hanes t-shirt, and a plaid button-down or pearl-snap shirt); At night – same thing minus the overshirt
What he listens to: Whatever's on his iPod
What he eats: Central Market prepared foods
What he drinks: Imported beer
Who he likes: Girls who are well-connected
Pros: He's well-read and will actually take you on something resembling a date
Cons: He thinks your friends are juvenile; he isn't the least bit spontaneous; he responds awkwardly to sarcasm

Contact the author of this article or email tips@austinist.com with further questions, comments or tips.

By Em in Arts & Entertainment on July 25, 2005 3:05 PM 0 Comments

Comments [rss]

lacoste polo shirts

Im really happy that I came across this
when I did because I was really starting to get bored with the whole blogging
scene. Youve turned me around, man!

lyle and scott polos

Imported beer is my favorite

ducknutz

Youth is a really confusing and pitiful illness.

madtown

My friends write misprint. How I love them.

rhm

yep, i first saw that article when it was published in bitch magazine. i was still bitter from my wimpster experience and my best friend gave it to me. a friend of mine then started dating said wimpster (i prefer to leave out the "h") and i had to pass it along to her.

lebruce

Hey, have you seen this?

http://www.misprintmagazine.com

I bet you have!

em

thanks, rhm! i'm assuming you've seen this, but if not, you should definitely check it out: http://www.blacktable.com/elder040212.htm. one of the funniest things on the interweb.

rhm

you forgot the most insidious type of hipster, the wimpster, aka "the sensitive type."

Where to find him: moping in his room, reading pseudo-intellectual novels and feminist treatises; hanging around women's groups

What he wears: glasses, a combo of #1 & #2 with a little seth cohen mixed in

What he listens to: le tigre, ani difranco, amy mann and other assorted "vagina music"

What he eats: usually vegetarian and usually very little; wimpsters are semi-anorexic

What he drinks: strawberry margaritas

Who he likes: women who are way out of his league, but reeling from a recent breakup and think they need to date someone different for a change, like a "nice guy"

Pros: pretends to listen better than other guys, will give you an initial sense of comfort, his many female hipster friend will tell you that he's a quality guy

Cons: the initial sense of comfort quickly gives way to the realization that his sensitive-guy routine was just an act to help him get laid and he's really just another selfish a-hole who can't commit, except now you wonder how you could possibly be treated this way by someone who should really be worshipping you and thanking the gods that he could get an attractive woman!

JAMster

Wazzzup friendster! A hipsterz a gwan' down, kno? Like, aaaaah yea-ah. SPLAdow n' shizzz, m'man. BooYAH.

fred perry sale

It sounds like the whole point of the hipster genre is to take something serious

friendster

guyz,whatz a hipsterz?!?!?!?

Kat

Nothing breaks the ice of bumping into a recent hipster one night stand quite like him telling you what his doctor told you he had to tell you. Sigh...young love.

Natalia

Oh, and don't EVEN act like you might want a committed relationship from one of these dudes--it ruins the std-spreading fun!

em

sean, you're right. i should have named this "a girl's guide to spotting an austin hipster." i am lazy. thanks for doing the work for me.

sean

I find it funny that the title is "A Girl's Guide to Snaggin' an Austin Hipster" yet none of these descriptions include the specific method of seduction.

The previous article included sections titled

"Step-by-step instructions on getting her attention" yet there are no headings in this article for "Step-by-step instructions on getting his attention"

I don't know if this ommission was intentional (perhaps it's obvious, duh) or perhaps an editorial goof, but I think I can sum it up:

Step-by-step instructions on getting his attention (all four types):

1) be hot

dsfsa

...character on the OC.

odam

IF you have a leather-cuffed watchand listen to bands with one name...you might be a ...

am

You are the Jeff Foxworthy of hipsters.

Ginger Rogers

I don't think "hipster" is something any smart person would want to be. Be proud of your non-member status! It sounds like the whole point of the hipster genre is to take something serious (like good authors, art, or whatever may be precious to those who care) and use it for vanity's sake only...oh, and to look "individual" but strangely like your peers. At least, that's all I've been able to gather. Y-A-W-N.

em

matty o, i heart you, too...and you're not that old!

kss

i am glad to report that i am not a hipster boy.

modam, you're no hipster! you're just straight up coolster. or official afternoon fruit bearer. fruity?