A Guy's Guide to Snaggin an Austin Hipster

AUSTIN HIPSTER GIRL TYPE 1
Where to find her: Red Fez (Wed.), Whiskey Bar, Gallery Lombardi, Rock the Casbah parties
What she wears: Cute (almost) shoes purchased on sale at Emeralds. $80 outfit from a store on SoCo.
What she listens to: 80s, electroclash, any local band with a drum machine and probably MIA.
What she eats: Polvo's, Kyoto's sushi happy hour.
What she drinks: Sparkleberries, MexiMarts, Makers and chocolate martinis.
Who she likes: Anyone but you.
Step-by-step instructions on getting her attention:
1) Borrow your sister's jeans and find the smallest dress shirt in your closet. Do you have a really thin tie? Good, put it on.
2) Hop in your Jetta or whatever it is your ass probably drives and head towards that Art Show/Dance Party you read about on the Austinist.
3) Turn the car around. Go back inside and look to see if your sister has any big plastic sunglasses. Put them in the neck of your shirt. Stop questioning us! We don't care if its 10pm, play by the rules or go home and spend another night filling out those stupid chain surveys on Myspace.
4) At some point along the way, open your windows and stick your face outside. This will give your hair the perfect "I don't give a crap" bed head, thus ensuring the simultaneous dropping of hipster panties as you enter the room.
5) Pay your $5 and get your keg beer. Take this beer and walk over to watch whatever local electropop band that happens to be playing. Cross your arms. Once your beer is low enough to sustain a little moment, you may commence head bobbing and foot tapping. The band is most likely playing their semi-catchy, almost entertaining songs first. Use this time wisely. Scope the crowd for the fashionista of your choice. If she too is boppin' along, make eye contact, smile and then start watching the band again. Wash, rinse and repeat. When the band finally plays that one really good song they wrote, dance your ass off. Unless you're like us and can't dance. If that's the case, keep bobbin' your head, but also kind of sway back and forth. While all of this is going on, look over to her, smile again and give her the "wow, aren't these guys great?" look. If she smiles back, it means she totally wants to smash faces behind the railroad tracks. Score! Remember to play it cool though...once the song is over promptly disappear for 10 minutes. Go pee, talk to your bros, whatever, just stay out of sight for a bit. Congratulations, you are now "mysterious." Go outside. Find your girl. Pounce that mouth!

AUSTIN HIPSTER GIRL TYPE 2
Where to find her: Jackalope, Sidebar, Jackalope, Emo's, Myspace, and Jackalope.
What she wears: Chucks. Bird (swallows) tattoos above her boobs or hips. Some f'ed up tank top she concocted using scissors and a tee she bought at Buffalo Exchange.
What she listens to: Whatever Pitchfork tells her to
What she eats: A steady diet of Parliament Lights dipped in Kerby queso.
What she drinks: Sparks, Lonestar, Makers and Helldorados.
Who she likes: Brahs in bands
Step-by-step instructions on getting her attention:
1) Join a band.
2) If step 1 is out of the question, log into Myspace. Browse. Add as a friend. Promptly post comments telling her she "looks so good" and "is model material" in her photo bin. Strike up a conversation via private messages and let the STD trading begin.

AUSTIN HIPSTER GIRL TYPE 3
Where to find her: Veggie Heaven, Zilker Park, Town Lake, Bouldin Creek Coffeehouse
What she wears: A hodgepodge of shit that could be found in the closets of AHG Type 1 and AHG Type 2
What she listens to: KUT. NPR. Her ipod
What she eats: Food Heads, West Lynn, some organic shit grown in her back yard.
What she drinks: Chai tea, Silk soy milk and whatever is in her Nalgene bottle.
Who she likes: Dirty looking dudes with pretty boy faces. AKA that douchebag with a terrible haircut you always see riding laps around Spiderhouse on his Schwinn bike.
Step-by-step instructions on getting her attention:
1) Put your sister's jeans back on. Put on a white t-shirt or something similar. It's ok if its wrinkled..
2) Borrow a single speed cruiser and ride it to Whole Foods.
3) Slowly walk around, placing organic eggplants and assorted vegetables you can't pronounce in your hand basket.
4) Don't bother looking for her, she will find you.
5) After about 2 hours of "shopping" get in line and go home.
6) Check the "Missed Connections" section of Craigslist for the next two hours. As many as 3 girls should be asking to share a cup of coffee with you.
7) If this does not occur, you are ugly. Please move back to Dallas.

AUSTIN HIPSTER GIRL TYPE 4
Where to find her: Austinist Happy Hours, Ben Brown's hot tub, Matthew Odam's line of sight.
What she wears: Not much after a few whiskey sours.
What she listens to: Anything Allen Y Chen wants to say
What she eats: Anything as long as its south of the river.
What she drinks: Rubbing alcohol mixed with whatever you got.
Who she likes: Party people
Step-by-step instructions on getting her attention:
1) Tell her you like her blog.
2) Tell her you like buying her drinks.