Austinist: We Don't Care What They Say, Craig. You're A Winner In Our Book!

truecraig

Tue, 05 Jul 2005 23:34:31 -0600

How about... mankindof? Manhelpful? Mankindling? In my world of the "limitedly educated who tend toward the invention of mad wordage and misappropriation of existing wordsort amongst jail-house grammar" (in which G-dub and M. Tyson both share a pool key and gym locker), "mankind" does the trick. But yes, for the "Eats, Shoots & Leaves" crowd, I understand that my writing can be painful to read. Them and Henry Miller fans. What can I say, I stabbed my editor last week. What? He owed me seven bucks for a Subway steak and cheese combo, from over two weeks ago. He had it comin'. Thanks Allen!

Bill Norris

Tue, 05 Jul 2005 21:57:42 -0600

Eric, Mrs. Lerner would be proud...

Allen

Tue, 05 Jul 2005 17:59:34 -0600

Both overzealous punctuation and tangential parenthetical phrases (in italics, no less!) are not only completely excusable, they're something to be admired. And posted in bathroom stalls. But if you ask me, mankind should never, never, never, ever, never, ever appear in printed form! Unless you are: a) referring, in fact, to the "wrestlemaniac known as ---" b) reproducing one of my high school essays, all of which invariably began with the laughable phrase: "SINCE THE DAWN OF ---" (this shameless self-gratification trumped, sadly, by my liberal spatterings of any of the following symbol subset: {! ; " : -} ) Still, your submission made us proud - mankind, that is. Congrats!

Eric

Tue, 05 Jul 2005 17:47:31 -0600

its funny that Bill Norris also wrote a haiku for this contest. you see Bill and I attended grammar school together back in NJ a looong time ago. I'm sorry you didn't win either Bill. I think someone's haiku should have won. Go Branchburg Falcons!

truecraig

Tue, 05 Jul 2005 17:11:49 -0600

I knew you'd call me out on the busted "Miller" reference. Damn. And, if you give two shits, I refuse to retract any errors I make. Ever. Even mispelings. But the improper reference (which I could lie about, and claim was "ironic" in some inane and stupid-sounding way, and that no-one "gets" because it's just too esoteric for mankind but that would be stupid, just like long parenthetical phrases weighed down by irreverent comma usage) should be inexcusable. But, well, I have a really good excuse for that. I have adult-onset retardation. Feel bad now? Do you? Yes.