The Real World: Austin Premieres Tonight (Think they make it down to 6th Street?)

What happens when people stop being nice and start getting real (real obnoxious, real drunk, real lazy, real coddled, real melodramatic, real self-conscious, real drunk and real drunk)? Well, we will all find out soon, as The Real World: Austin premieres tonight on MTV at 9PM.

If any of the previous shows, which have become so blatantly producer-sculpted after the moderate success of the early seasons when the cast actually looked like real people and not alcoholic Abercrombie and Juicy Couture models, are any indication, you can probably expect the following: one of the girls will have an eating disorder; one girl will be a whore who just ‘likes to have fun and be one of the guys;’ one guy will drink too much and get physically violent and then show a softer side and a willingness to change his ill-tempered ways; two of the kids (if not three at once) will hook up and there will be fallout to some degree; one of the cast will be a minority who realizes how homogenous Austin is and that he/she fits in better back home; one will want to go home drunk most nights and have lengthy, tearful phone conversations with folks back home about their homesickness; one will struggle mightily (just before having drunk sex) with what to do about a boyfriend/girlfriend back home; one will be gay and probably love the Warehouse District and Whole Foods; one will mope around the house depressed and wearing those silly sweatpants that have a college name written on the ass; one will think they’re an artist/musician and want to move to Austin; one will get a mysterious disease; and one will be the girl we secretly want to fall in love with and kick ourselves that we never got a chance to know while she was here and who constantly leaves us wondering, ‘How did she put up with those other kids?’ Those are probably more individual scenarios than there are housemates; so, in reality (get it? that’s a pun), the cast members will probably be hybrids of stated stereotypes mixed with a myriad of other psycho-sexual frustrations. And we will probably, sadly, watch every stinkin’ minute.

You gonna watch, suckers?

The Real World: Austin
MTV, 9PM