Perry to Texas: More Gadgets, Less Gays!

These days, we don't quite know what to make of Governor Rick Perry.

Yesterday, he signed a rather impressive $200-million bill to encourage cutting-edge technology research in Texas, none of which will be spent on embryonic stem-cell research. Still, it's a noble attempt to bolster the state's already impressive high-tech development centers. And if you can ignore the fact that he signed the bill at the Austin offices of Samsung Electronics - which is now considering building a yooooge $3.5-billion chip fabrication plant here, not like that matters - well, his action seems downright charitable.

But then you have last week's SNAFU, when he managed to infuriate just about every open-minded individual (which, sadly, is mostly restricted to our fair city). When questioned about gay veterans returning from Iraq, he responded with his now-infamous retort, delivered outside a church no less:

"I'm going to say Texas has made a decision on marriage, and if there's a state with more lenient views than Texas, then maybe that's where they should live."

Fascist undertones and bald-faced disregard for the First Amendment aside, Perry's response perfectly pandered to the ignorance and intolerance of his backwater constituency. Naturally, we crazy, godless Sodom-and-Gomorrah radicals were quick to denounce his outrageous comments - but really only amongst our equally enraged friends whilst in the middle of particularly boisterous threesome. Despite many civil rights groups demanding a public apology from Perry, the best he could muster was a bland, empty statement proffered by his spokeswoman Kathy Walt:

"You have to know the context of the governor's comments."

Ah yes, context. Doubtless that she was referring to next year's elections, when Perry will need to muster up his full reserves of Bigotry-Masquerading-As-Family-Values if he's to rally the rest of the state.

*Image: Perry demonstrating his "chop!chop!" technique to ward off homosexuals. Lifted from DallasNews.com