It's just a supermarket people...

Okay, okay... As loyal Austin-ists, we appreciate locally based businesses as much as the next grilled tofu eating, bulk bin loving, environmentally conscious shopper... And perhaps even we were a bit swept up in the rabid frenzy of the opening night gala down on Lamar and 6th... But ultimately, at the end of the day, people... breath. Whole Foods is still just... a supermarket. A crowded, chaotic, frustrating, mind-numbing, wallet draining... supermarket.

The other day, we attempted to navigate the quagmire that now spans half of downtown Austin, and knew we were in trouble as soon as we had to descend 40 leagues to find a parking spot. The day was cold and overcast, but fortunately at those depths the ground was warmed by the molten magma center of the earth's core not far below... On the way up the 1/2 mile of escalators, inspirational sayings lined the walls assuring us a blessed shopping experience, while impulse buys tempted us from the sidelines. Finally at the ground level, we emerged to a sea of people all scrambling for the latest and greatest in progressive shopping. A soccer mom clotheslined a bearded man in Berkenstocks for the last Gingerade Kombucha! A yoga instructor threw bulk barley in Bob Schneider's eyes and took advantage of his temporary blindness to cut in line at the salad bar! After ten minutes of futilely searching for one item (they were out of stock) we dropped our basket, ran in a breathless panic back to the car and sped off - Well, after the twenty minute wait to leave the parking garage...

We thank you Whole Foods, for your presence and investment in Austin, and wish you all the best... In fact, to show there are no hard feelings, lunch is on us! Meet you at Central Market???

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March 11, 2005 12:32 AM 0 Comments

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MonkeyCome

I am anxious for the first lawsuit to arise from the ever-so-steep stairs on the Lamar side of this growth hormone monstrosity.

Pretty damn sick looking; seems to represent all that A Hole Foods purports to stand against.

Remember... "No New Taxes"

Aaron

What?!?!? You're kidding, right? We think Jules Verne might disagree with you... But then again, you claim to be a lead character in his very novel which asserts that one might want to descend 20,000 LEAGUES Under the Sea. A mile is a measure of distance... Could I not (with adequate equipment) descend a MILE below the ocean (or a parking structure? I think there are enough levels at Whole Foods)? Quite a puzzle...

Well, either way, we were fairly drunk writing it and are frankly surprised we didn't claim to have descended 40 Dildos below Austin... If you want to split semantic hairs, we're surprised you didn't point out that we left off the "e" in breathe (as it is technically spelled despite common acceptance of the noun "breath" as a verb).

But hell... We're just happy to get a reaction...