Hunt For Red Tacotober
Everyone knows of Maria’s Taco Xpress. Tell anyone, anywhere, that you’re visiting Austin, and they will tell you that you have to stop by Maria’s. You have to. Fucking moon people know about Maria’s tacos.
Maria’s sits on South Lamar, firmly in the HIP AND HAPPENING 78704 zip code. A well-busted lady graces the top of the building, her arms outstretched, welcoming all men and ladies into her warm, comforting bosom. Of tacos. Her full lips pout at passersby, silently wondering, Why aren’t you here? Why are you not eating my taco? Her horribly tacky earrings dangle, her hair, cut in an attractive black bob, blows in the wind. Or rather, it would blow in the wind, were it not crafted from wood. Or plaster, or whatever the crap it’s made of.
It’s a beautiful March morning in Austin. It’s 70 degrees, the sky is cloudless, birds chirp in an engaging manner. It’s perfect. And we’re going to Maria’s in an attempt to determine the best breakfast tacos in Austin.
First, Maria’s doesn’t take credit cards. BUT, they do have what basically amounts to an ATM, which allows you to access cash, for the low, low fee of $1.50, plus the $2 our bank charged for this honor. Seriously though, what is it with Austin restaurants not taking credit cards? Do you hate us? Why, Maria, why? Why taunt us with your tacos and high ATM fees?
ANYWAY, Maria’s offers what has to be the widest variety of taco ingredients in town. So many choices, in fact, that it’s a bit overwhelming. Do you want the chorizo or the ham? THAT IS A TRICK QUESTION. No one eats ham, because it is gross.
We choose four menu items stuffed into a delicious tortilla: eggs, cheese, potatoes and bacon. After ordering we sit on the covered patio, enjoying LIFE. Because Life is awesome. The tacos come quickly, fresh and greasy, like your mom. Except without herpes.
Maria’s packs the tortillas to the limit, bits of egg and cheese tumble out as we eat. They are tasty, there is no question of that. The ingredients are cooked together, they share their delicious flavors, they meld into a quiet perfection. Except, sadly, for the lonely strip of bacon, placed on top of the eggs and potatoes. Really, Maria’s? Is it too much to chop that little guy into pieces and mix it with the eggs? But it is. The strip of bacon sits quietly on the outside, the wallflower of the taco. There are no egg juices on this bacon. He is part of the crowd and yet not, a contradiction of popularity.
However, despite this mighty faux pas, we cannot help but give Maria’s a positive review. While not necessarily the best tacos in town, Maria’s is definitely the place you go when you want to experience the genuine Austin atmosphere. Chaos, beer, and tacos, Maria’s Taco Xpress is the Austin experience, in a delightful tortilla.
